I am just all about pretty graphic quotes via Pinterest. I can’t help myself, I just love them.
But this quote is my life today. Last night my fiancé and I found out that the ceremony location we’d been dreaming about for our wedding just isn’t going to happen. No amount of persuading or arguing or loop-hole-searching can change it. Because of our time frame. Because of weird English church parish laws (I can’t even…). Because weddings are 95% compromise and 5% exactly what you always dreamed of.
I feel like being grumpy and snippy and ungrateful. I don’t feel like cherishing the positive. I feel like crawling into a little ball and bemoaning the fact that my English countryside wedding (which was a compromise in itself), isn’t a possibility anymore.
But I can’t. I can’t let myself go there. There are so many incredibly beautiful things in my life that make that kind of behavior absolutely unacceptable. Sometimes I have to remind myself how far I’ve come, and how blessed I am. I have an amazing person (soon-to-be life partner) in my life, someone I thought I’d have to wait forever to find. I have my health, I’m almost finished with higher education, I’m starting my first grown-up job soon (!!!), and most importantly, I did it. I left the small, abysmal town that was my given circumstance growing up. I was determined to find a way to go out into the world and carve a life for myself that was completely different from what I was given as a child.
And I did. I am literally almost as far as I can be from The Middle of Nowhere, WA (4,000+ miles, to be exact).
It was so hard. And there were so many unbelievable challenges that, to this day, are known only to me and a handful of others. And I didn’t do it alone—I owe so much of my happiness to the outpouring of support from my fiancé and my best friend. As well as close friends who didn’t even know how much they were helping me. And when I think about those horrifyingly desperate times where I felt completely unsure of my future, I am so unbelievably grateful to be exactly where I am right now. Where my biggest worry is whether or not I’ll have my wedding at an English countryside church or a modern English church.
I mean, come on, girl.
Perspective is one of the most essential things to have in life. Bad times are just that: bad. Horrible, sometimes. But they are a powerful reminder of just how difficult life can actually be, and in turn, how trivial certain anxieties and worries really are.
So even though the sky is grey today and it’s probably going to rain during our engagement party (and probably our wedding, let’s be honest) and I won’t have most of my family and friends here for my wedding and I have a mountain of student loans to pay off and my fiance and I won’t be able to buy our first flat for at least another year…it’s all going to be okay. Because that stuff is actually not that big of a deal. I’ve been through much worse, and if my struggling self from the ’90s, early 2000s, and especially from 2010-2012 could see me acting like a spoiled princess crying her eyes out over a silly church, she would not be impressed. She would purse her lips and raise one eyebrow as she explained that those problems are 100% fixable and have no real bearing on anything.
It’s all going to work out. As always, it’s not the fanfare that matters. It’s pretty and lovely and makes for a wonderful Pinterest wedding pin, but it doesn’t really matter. People matter. And in choosing to be kinder than I feel, I’m acknowledging that the “stuff” that is so upsetting and anxiety-inducing takes a backseat to the people I love and the relationships I cherish.